15 July, 2017

Is this what it feels getting over you? 

It’s been a couple of months now since that day. We spoke a few weeks ago. We were going to meet, spend some days together, fall in love again. And then we decided against it. So now we’re not speaking again. I thought this was just the same old loop happening again and again, but then i kissed another guy. I feel weird writing that to you. Me. Kissing another guy. But i did. And i slept in his bed. And i laid my head in his chest. And i heard his heart beating, the way i used to hear yours. And i kissed him again, the way i used to kiss you. I cuddled him, the way i used to cuddle you. And yet everything felt so different. I was not looking for this. It just... happened. I think. When he first kissed me i thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I could hear it beating so strongly. I could feel it beating like it was going to explode. And there i was. Kissing another guy and thinking about you. I guess i’m a cliché. Yes, he was kissing me and i was thinking about you. Suddenly i remembered all your kisses. Every single one of them. And i missed them. Every single one of them. And i was feeling so... guilty... we stopped kissing after a while and, while i was laying in his hotel bed, my back against his chest, his arm around me, his hand playing with mine, his lips placing soft little kisses on my shoulder, i could feel my eyes burning from the tears. That was supposed to be you. That was supposed to be us like we were so many times before. That was supposed to be something we would do only with each other. And there i was, doing the same thing with a different guy. And my eyes were burning. And then, out of a sudden, it was like i could hear your voice, loud and clear, inside my head saying we need time and we need to move on. And so i did. I turned around and i kissed him. I kissed him. And then my heart was not hurting anymore. It was still broken, but no longer hurting. And my tongue was dancing around with his and i thought 

Maybe you were not the only one that could find out how to kiss me, 

x